My mind is all over the place. I fear the stress has now piled up too much and I feel as though I may lose my cool. There's not enough meditation that can get me out of the box that's trapped my head. I have spent the morning cleaning, doing yard work, going for a walk, painting and its only just hit noon. I haven't heard back from any job possibilities and I'm getting overwhelmed with being thrown into the deep end of working full time again after being off for so long.. I am also trying to quit smoking, its honestly taking an emotional toll on me. I never thought it'd be so hard. Those are my main 2 stressers right now.. There are probably about 40 other smaller things that I could go on about for days but I'm going to save you that half hour of your life in reading my bitching.
I am extremely lucky to have my friends and family for support and I appreciate them everyday. I have my health now and I am super fortunate to be able to walk again and be almost back to 100%. I am still struggling with E.I. and I am preparing a letter to send to my MP because waiting for over 6 months now is frankly ridicules.
My message to leave you with today is: "You can start with nothing .. and out of nothing or no way - a WAY will be provided."
June 23, 2010
May 11, 2010
make it or break it
Today is a very important day. I've been waiting for over a year for this afternoon's driving test. I'm super nervous but I have faith that karma knows I need and deserve my license. After all these years of inconvenience I'd be delighted to have the freedom I oh so wildly crave.
Yesterday was the deadline for my E.I. claim and still nothing! I called yesterday morning first thing and again today and still no resolution! This has probably been hands down the most frustrating part of this whole ordeal. I can't pay for my physio bills without this chuck of coin that I am entitled to. I'm annoyed that I've done everything on my part before any of their deadlines but when it comes to their own deadline they dance around the point. If I don't know by Friday I think my head may explode.
This past weekend was a blast. Spent Friday night with some great friends playing games (hahaha yes games) and spent Saturday night in Guelph with 2 of my most beautiful girlfriends. The occasion that brought us together was a small bacherolette shin-dig for Denise whose getting married on June 19th. We danced up and down the streets and hit up a few bars and clubs. The downer of the night however, was when I took a huge face plant into the sidewalk. My bad ankle gave out and I lost my balance to find myself face first on the ground :( my wee little chin is now all scabby and I really hope it doesn't scar. I think I'm near soon to living in a bubble for protection. I think I am the clumsiest person I've ever met! The knee tho IS getting better and I am officially on the quicker mend. As of last week I have dropped the cane, and have only had to use it a couple times since.
Now I am off to continue practicing for this afternoon, wish me luck :)
Also check this out: *picture courtesy of Shannon Gerard.
Sword of My Mouth, a new graphic novel by Jim Munroe and Shannon Gerard. Toronto launch party May 6, 7pm, Tequila Bookworm (Queen Street West at Portland).
April 21, 2010
interesting things are brewin'
I have just joined a website that may enable me to make a few extra bucks for blogging. Hey, anything and everything I have to do to pay my bills at this point I will take (definitely within reason lol) I figure I blog anyway, perhaps this will actually work and I can share my story at the same time. -S xox
iN PaiN
I've woken up with the weirdest pain in my knee. This is definitely a new pain, that has yet to embark upon my withered limb. As I rolled out of bed and stood up the back of my knee cap and knee locked and pinched. I had to sit back down and rearrange the way I must have stood. As I stood again the pain was even worse. I now sit with frozen peas on my knee for yet another beautiful, sunny morning.
Now having a day to really stew over the result of calling E.I. yesterday, I am worried. I have now retro dated my claim to the date of injury (as advised by the gentleman on the phone) and I am concerned that they may cause a stink because that isn't in my original claim. Oh man, it's all very confusing and frustrating... I just hope I get the money I need for my bills.
On a lighter note, I had a wonderful day yesterday. I am really starting to enjoy this weather, even if I can't play tennis or go for a run or go on bike rides or go for hikes.. I love that I can sit outside and instantly feel deviant and enlightened. I wish I had my camera and sunglasses that I forgot in Edmonton. I feel as though I have tons to say but finding the words each time isn't justification to the means - I need a camera to capture that. Perhaps I shall take my 1980's Minolta in for some repairs :)
April 20, 2010
The Results R In!
About a week ago I got the official results from my MRI and I'd be lying if I said I was satisfied.. the results read: "A knee effusion is noted. The medial and lateral menisci appear intact. The anterior cruciate ligament, posterior cruciate ligament, medial collateral ligament and the lateral ligamentous complex appear unremarkable. Mild chondromalacia patella is noted. Mild bone bruise is also noted along the medial aspect of the medial femoral condyle and also along the posterior aspect of the midline of the tibial plateau."
In english it says that there is no tear to the ACL or MCL (which could have healed in the time I waited for the MRI). Mild bone bruise along the inside of the knee and inside underneath the knee cap. Mild strain on cartilage under the knee cap. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chondromalacia_patellae
The positives from these results are that I don't have a tear to either the ACL or MCL. I don't need surgery anymore. Physio is helping the problems and recovery time should increase rapidly once my thigh muscle starts to get bigger (and once pain is little to none).
The down side is that bone bruises can take a number of months to heal, and I have more than one. The knee is still locking and the cartilage is damaged. I still have a lot of pain BUT not all of the time.
So, the journey continues... I am still in physio once a week. I would go twice but I cannot afford to anymore so I make sure to keep up with my exercises daily. The nightmare of E.I. is still going to be awhile and man is it ever driving me nuts! I honestly hope this never happens to me again or that I'd ever have to deal with Employment Insurance again because its shit! I spent 2 hours yesterday on the phone with them and that's just one of the many many days I've had to deal with this crap. I have alot on my plate as far as trying to find money for the bills that are piling up in front of me goes.. It's stressing me right out.. but gotta stay positive - things will work out.
Throughout this whole process of recovery and metamorphosis I couldn't have stayed as strong without the support of great friends and family. I don't even want to think of where I'd be if I didn't have all the wonderful people in my life. I am extremely grateful xoxox
image borrowed from: https://meded-portal.ucsd.edu/isp/2006/knee/images/Knee4.jpg
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