To leave or not to leave, that is the question...

So the consensus while in Surfers Paradise is that 98% of the travelers I talked to were expecting more. Perhaps that's the mindset that we all venture off with; is that there really is a paradise out there that is 'hidden' from the tribulations of everyday life. But in reality there truly isn't.
Paradise is an internal thing, it's all about where you find yourself the most confident and the most whole as a person. Traveling to find such a thing could take years when the entire time its been within yourself.
When talking with some British girls the harsh reality of how I felt came through them. They were over the fact that there is no work and that Australia is hot, beautiful and full of hot beach boys. They were ready to head home but had continued the struggle of living out of a suitcase in fear of what others back home would think. That admitting defeat would somehow make them weak to friends and family. When in the great scheme of things the ones that love us most just want whats best for us and if that means going back to who we know and what we know, then so be it.

I find I have hit some road block of frustrations. All of which could be manifested by the fact that I just don't feel comfortable or entitled to have a months long vacation (or even more if I keep going). I have been trying to find work but to no avail. I have also tried going to another part of the country, but also to no avail. I don't know if it's the holidays messing with my head but I'm just about ready to go home. Cold weather and all...

Namaste friends xo

"sharing is caring and caring is fun"

There comes a point in everyones lives where the bullshit just turns into white noise. The more you are told what you can and cant do the more you clash. From my experience anyways.. I can only ever talk for myself.
I have been open with everyone in my life about my mental health and the fact that I'm adopted and to some that has made relationships a lot closer and meaningful, and sadly to others its been the reason I'm no longer allowed to be apart of their lives. I am not ashamed of my past - sure sometimes I wish I didn't do some of things I did or that some of the experiences I was witness and/or victim to didn't happen. But each one of those things happened to make me who I am today - so ultimately it was meant to happen. I have lost a few really important people in the past two years and it saddens me that they couldn't ultimately love me for me. I am comfortable in my own skin, no matter what I happen to do to it that day. I have also had positive feed back in regards to being an open book. I suppose the honesty I share about my own life makes it easier for others to talk about theirs.
With losing friends I have also gained some amazing people in my life that I wouldn't exchange for anything. And have had more time to get to know those whom were already apart of my life to a deeper degree. I am so very blessed to be where I am right now, physically and mentally. Never would I have thought a year ago that I'd be able to travel independently and still have an awesome time. I was also counting down the days for the next 'big thing' and now I'm soaking up everything I can while I can.
Deep down I'd think that everyone would like to have a partner in crime to share the ups and downs with while traveling and I do to a certain degree but its also something else to be able to handle it on your own. I am going to try and stay offline for the next little while so I can fully emerge myself into the moment and culture of where I am with no distractions.
I'd have to say that I am truly happy and I guess it took me to travel to the other side of the world to fully realize that.

Namaste friends xo

flying-high

The secret to life is the smell of adventure.

To whatever degree - we all are raffishly hungry for some form of abnormality. And if you're not there is something severely wrong (from personal experience anyways..).

Flying over the clouds is an incredibly liberating feeling - especially after the past couple years I've had.. That's ultimately led me here 'flying high' over the pacific. Thank you karma, Ora, 'god'.

Namaste friends xo

jus-tin-case

There is something peaceful and yet fucked up about the thought of me writing this post before I spend the next 2 days in the air and it hitting the web, with me perhaps not hitting the web again myself. Watching Cast Away definitely got me in the mood for some survival if needed during my quest to the other side of the planet. I suppose I write this 'in case' I don't make it for some bizarre reason. SOoo... to whomever is to read this and has heard of my passing somewhere, somehow lol please direct my mother to this blog. She has never seen it and if I were to pass on before her I'd like her to kinda have a view in the rear of my brain. Thanks muchly :)

And know that this just a precaution.

Namaste Friends xo

Crawl.Walk.Jump.Fly.

 “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

   I have to admit I haven't really been myself over the past month. I suppose the anticipation of the travels down under are pulling at my heart strings. I don't know why I feel such anxiety over this when its all I've wanted for years, but it's definitely affecting me. I have sorta gone into robot mode. Just trucking through my time here to get it to go faster or something.. I really wish I had a job these past few weeks to keep my mind on other things, so at least I know that somewhere inside my brain I do want to work.

   Not long ago, someone who was close to me for years passed away. I hadn't seen her in over a year and never really got a chance to clear the air with her before her passing. Regret is an awful feeling. I like to think that she knew deep down that my intentions were always good and that I did love her even if I didn't agree with her beliefs or actions a lot of the time. She did the best she could as a single mom and I do admire her for that. I only wish the best for her family and loved ones. 

   With the bad news I also got a bit of good news this past week. A close friend of mine will be embarking on a enlightening journey. It couldn't have come at a better time in my opinion. Not only is it right before the mayhem of the holidays but it's also been a long wait to get here. I couldn't be more happy for him and I will be by his side every step of the way. 

   Nine days until I take off to the travels of a lifetime. Mixed feelings have set in.

   Namaste Friends xo