August 29, 2012

dancing between raindrops

  My body aches more today than it has in a long time. I haven't been able to wake up lately close to refreshed or comfortable. I'm attributing that to the constant house/bed shifts in the past few months, I sure hope my body adjusts soon - or it's only going to get much worse while backpacking. The added pain isn't helping with my moods either.. One minute I'm fine the next I'm grouchy or on the verge of tears for little to no reason. More self investigation is needed.
  Lately, I have found I am being able to turn off certain thoughts in my brain which is a huge relief. However it may be temporary, so I won't get my hopes up just yet. One thought process I've been able to dissolve almost entirely is the constant feeling of friends judging me or not being happy with me. I used to dwell on it for hours a day without being able to stop the loop. Here's hoping if I've been able to gear down this channel I may be alter the rest somehow.
  Surrounding myself with great, solid people have been key to my 'recovery' (I don't really like to use that word for mental illness, so let's go with 'transformation' for now instead). Being around children more has surprisingly helped me as well. If you know me, you know I am not a kid person - never have been and thought I never would be but as of late I have been embracing all that is love, and children ooze it. Along with kiddies, I've been trying to spend more time with animals and nature and on the whole its been doing wonders for my imagination and creativity. Even if such hasn't hit paper yet - the motive is there and that's good enough for me coach.
  In the short time I've been writing this post the rain has dissipated, the sun has come out and is dancing all over the window - as if mother nature knew I needed a happy boost :) I think I'll take this as a sign and run with it!
Namaste friends xo

August 22, 2012

Wheels in motion... to travel over the ocean

  Not sure where to start as quite a bit has changed from over a year ago. I guess I shall start with the latest as that's the most important in my eyes.. To be literal, I sit on my perch with my weapon in my hand. The internet has been a solace for me for some time, but has also crept in lately as a villain. They say "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" I find this equally relevant for evil.. I swear I am an optimist however challenging my own thoughts and opinions is what makes life interesting, no?
  The availability of everything and anything (yet nothing all at the same time) on the internet is dumbfounding. And I doubt I'm alone here when I find myself in a continuous loop of the same 'information'/ 'newsfeeds'/ websites etc. I need out of this box... So I decided that instead of reading about other people/ things most of the time I am going to log my own adventures, mishaps, opportunities, knowledge, dreams and experiences. I want to have an outlet to encourage other people to step outside of THEIR box and try something new too!
  If you've read any of my previous entries or are a close friend of mine you know that I struggle with mental illness and have for most of my life. I have decided to open up about this affecting my daily life; not only for me but for others who suffer from any sort of mental illness, and also for family and friends affected by it as well.
  Over the past year and half I have encountered many occasions where mental illness has been a prominent aspect of my life but absolutely not always in a negative way. I plan on logging some of my past experiences but want to focus on here and now.
  I am travelling the globe, with the wind at my back and an open heart & mind as my sail. I have so much love to give now that darkness has subsided. Namaste friends xo