Spinning

My mind is all over the place. I fear the stress has now piled up too much and I feel as though I may lose my cool. There's not enough meditation that can get me out of the box that's trapped my head. I have spent the morning cleaning, doing yard work, going for a walk, painting and its only just hit noon. I haven't heard back from any job possibilities and I'm getting overwhelmed with being thrown into the deep end of working full time again after being off for so long.. I am also trying to quit smoking, its honestly taking an emotional toll on me. I never thought it'd be so hard. Those are my main 2 stressers right now.. There are probably about 40 other smaller things that I could go on about for days but I'm going to save you that half hour of your life in reading my bitching.
I am extremely lucky to have my friends and family for support and I appreciate them everyday. I have my health now and I am super fortunate to be able to walk again and be almost back to 100%. I am still struggling with E.I. and I am preparing a letter to send to my MP because waiting for over 6 months now is frankly ridicules.
My message to leave you with today is: "You can start with nothing .. and out of nothing or no way - a WAY will be provided."

make it or break it

Today is a very important day. I've been waiting for over a year for this afternoon's driving test. I'm super nervous but I have faith that karma knows I need and deserve my license. After all these years of inconvenience I'd be delighted to have the freedom I oh so wildly crave.

Yesterday was the deadline for my E.I. claim and still nothing! I called yesterday morning first thing and again today and still no resolution! This has probably been hands down the most frustrating part of this whole ordeal. I can't pay for my physio bills without this chuck of coin that I am entitled to. I'm annoyed that I've done everything on my part before any of their deadlines but when it comes to their own deadline they dance around the point. If I don't know by Friday I think my head may explode.

This past weekend was a blast. Spent Friday night with some great friends playing games (hahaha yes games) and spent Saturday night in Guelph with 2 of my most beautiful girlfriends. The occasion that brought us together was a small bacherolette shin-dig for Denise whose getting married on June 19th. We danced up and down the streets and hit up a few bars and clubs. The downer of the night however, was when I took a huge face plant into the sidewalk. My bad ankle gave out and I lost my balance to find myself face first on the ground :( my wee little chin is now all scabby and I really hope it doesn't scar. I think I'm near soon to living in a bubble for protection. I think I am the clumsiest person I've ever met! The knee tho IS getting better and I am officially on the quicker mend. As of last week I have dropped the cane, and have only had to use it a couple times since.

Now I am off to continue practicing for this afternoon, wish me luck :)

Also check this out: *picture courtesy of Shannon Gerard.

Sword of My Mouth, a new graphic novel by Jim Munroe and Shannon Gerard. Toronto launch party May 6, 7pm, Tequila Bookworm (Queen Street West at Portland).

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?profile=1&id=628890108#!/event.php?eid=120008201349802&ref=mf

interesting things are brewin'

I have just joined a website that may enable me to make a few extra bucks for blogging. Hey, anything and everything I have to do to pay my bills at this point I will take (definitely within reason lol) I figure I blog anyway, perhaps this will actually work and I can share my story at the same time. -S xox

iN PaiN

I've woken up with the weirdest pain in my knee. This is definitely a new pain, that has yet to embark upon my withered limb. As I rolled out of bed and stood up the back of my knee cap and knee locked and pinched. I had to sit back down and rearrange the way I must have stood. As I stood again the pain was even worse. I now sit with frozen peas on my knee for yet another beautiful, sunny morning.

Now having a day to really stew over the result of calling E.I. yesterday, I am worried. I have now retro dated my claim to the date of injury (as advised by the gentleman on the phone) and I am concerned that they may cause a stink because that isn't in my original claim. Oh man, it's all very confusing and frustrating... I just hope I get the money I need for my bills.

On a lighter note, I had a wonderful day yesterday. I am really starting to enjoy this weather, even if I can't play tennis or go for a run or go on bike rides or go for hikes.. I love that I can sit outside and instantly feel deviant and enlightened. I wish I had my camera and sunglasses that I forgot in Edmonton. I feel as though I have tons to say but finding the words each time isn't justification to the means - I need a camera to capture that. Perhaps I shall take my 1980's Minolta in for some repairs :)

The Results R In!

About a week ago I got the official results from my MRI and I'd be lying if I said I was satisfied.. the results read: "A knee effusion is noted. The medial and lateral menisci appear intact. The anterior cruciate ligament, posterior cruciate ligament, medial collateral ligament and the lateral ligamentous complex appear unremarkable. Mild chondromalacia patella is noted. Mild bone bruise is also noted along the medial aspect of the medial femoral condyle and also along the posterior aspect of the midline of the tibial plateau."

In english it says that there is no tear to the ACL or MCL (which could have healed in the time I waited for the MRI). Mild bone bruise along the inside of the knee and inside underneath the knee cap. Mild strain on cartilage under the knee cap. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chondromalacia_patellae

http://www.beliefnet.com/healthandhealing/images/exh4956b.jpg

http://chicopmr.org/pain/images/knee-compartments.jpg

The positives from these results are that I don't have a tear to either the ACL or MCL. I don't need surgery anymore. Physio is helping the problems and recovery time should increase rapidly once my thigh muscle starts to get bigger (and once pain is little to none).

The down side is that bone bruises can take a number of months to heal, and I have more than one. The knee is still locking and the cartilage is damaged. I still have a lot of pain BUT not all of the time.

So, the journey continues... I am still in physio once a week. I would go twice but I cannot afford to anymore so I make sure to keep up with my exercises daily. The nightmare of E.I. is still going to be awhile and man is it ever driving me nuts! I honestly hope this never happens to me again or that I'd ever have to deal with Employment Insurance again because its shit! I spent 2 hours yesterday on the phone with them and that's just one of the many many days I've had to deal with this crap. I have alot on my plate as far as trying to find money for the bills that are piling up in front of me goes.. It's stressing me right out.. but gotta stay positive - things will work out.

Throughout this whole process of recovery and metamorphosis I couldn't have stayed as strong without the support of great friends and family. I don't even want to think of where I'd be if I didn't have all the wonderful people in my life. I am extremely grateful xoxox

image borrowed from: https://meded-portal.ucsd.edu/isp/2006/knee/images/Knee4.jpg

WD-40

I had originally envisioned me being able to blog everyday, however I have been tied down with paperwork, appointments and painting so I'm afraid I haven't been able to update regularly. I have definitely made some progress with my knee. The movement of the joint is loosening up and I can almost straighten my knee but not without allot of pain. I have been doing my daily exercises and I find it helps. I now have more of a dull pain in the back of the knee cap so I imagine there is some extensive damage to the ACL and quite possibly the cartilage. I have been floating the idea around of getting corporate sponsorship for my recovery. I am finding the physio is a huge help, however it is expensive and have a bill for February that I am still struggling to pay. I attend physio twice a week for a half hour each time. I get ultrasound to break up the damaged tissue and to ease the blood flow through the knee. I also attempt at riding the mechanical bike - I am yet to make a full rotation but I know its coming! I then have the physiotherapist work my knee to loosen the joint and as I mentioned before can almost straighten it. This process is very painful and often leaves me breathless.
I realize that finding a sponsor(s) for my recovery is a long shot but I figure it's 2010! anything IS possible! I am composing a letter to submit to all of the companies I buy from most often. If anyone has any insight as to ways of going about this endeavour please feel free to voice them. "Positive thoughts equals positive results."

Just in time

The fall I endured on my way to work that chilly Tuesday morning has changed everything from the way I brush my teeth to where I lay my head at night. The reality is that returning to Ontario was the best idea since I was now on crutches and barely grasping to the last few dollars I had to survive, let alone pay for taxi's and appointments. As much as the guilty feeling of defeat swirled in my stomach I knew I had to do what was needed in order to return to 'normal daily life' as soon as possible. Little to my knowledge the wait for an MRI in Ontario would be way longer than expected and the pricey road to recovery had only begun...

Who knew?

This part of the story begins with my friend and I deciding to take our lives by the horns and make something of ourselves. On a sunny September Saturday afternoon my friend Lindsay and I devised a plan to move across the country to try something new. 3 weeks later we had the car packed with our most priced possessions, cat and dog. We ventured on a journey that would surely change both of our lives. Taking the everyday life we knew oh too well in Ontario to something that scared us yet enthralled us in Alberta. After a month of living in Leduc with some very gracious friends we had almost planted our wee adventurous feet in the 'City of Champions', Edmonton. Less than a month later, before I could even comprehend what had actually happened I was in the emergency room with an injury that would be sure to put me back in my humbled little body. "I fell running to a bus" has been a sentence I've probably said over a thousand times in the past 3 months. Who knew that running to catch a bus to go to work could change my life in an instant...